


The Heist Of The Century

by bludnoemoloko



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: IN SPACE, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 14:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11015058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bludnoemoloko/pseuds/bludnoemoloko
Summary: “I am Groot.”“Of course we’ll meet again,” Peter nodded and went into the ship, paying no mind to the certainty in Groot’s voice.He wished he did.





	The Heist Of The Century

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Кража века](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11005854) by [Chif](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chif/pseuds/Chif). 



> Hi. This is a translation from Russian. If you find any mistakes, please don't hesitate to correct me. I'm doing this just for fun.

“Well. See ya?” Peter said for the fifth time, looked around the crowd of farewellers and suppressed a long sigh. There was no sign of Tony. In Mom’s films someone’s always been running to a train station or an airport to say something important, but they were taking off from near the Avengers’ base and-

“Quill, quit dawdlin’, let’s go”, Rocket patted him on where he could reach, which also could be classified as a kick in the ass.

“Sure”, Peter once again glanced around the gathered people.

“Quill!” there was steel in Gamora’s voice.

“Coming, I’m coming!”

“I am Groot.”

“Of course we’ll meet again,” Peter nodded and went into the ship, paying no mind to the certainty in Groot’s voice.

He wished he did.

***

“You what? You? You!”

The question: ‘Did you fucking steal Tony Stark?’ was burning on his tongue, but, first of all, Tony’s presence on “Milano” spoke for itself. Also, Gamora still hasn’t lifted the ban on swearing in front of Groot.

Groot himself didn’t look guilty at all.

“I am Groot?”

“What do you mean, why am I upset?! You can’t steal people!”

“I am Groot.”

“There is no agreeing or disagreeing here. You just CAN’T. Oh, god almighty, I knew we shouldn’t have let Rocket raise you. What else that trash panda could breed but a thief?”

“I am Groot.”

“I am aware of my background!” Peter was close to tearing his hair out. “And why is he unconscious? What did you give him, you firewood bundle?”

“I am Groot?”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” now it seed that his hair would go gray and fall out on its own. Peter’s opened his mouth to tell him everything he thought about that, but at that moment Rocket burst out laughing.

So Peter breathed out slowly, counted to ten and exploded.

“What are you laughing at?”

“It’s just,” Rocket shrugged. “A good thing that Terra has no space fleet, right? No one’ll come to retrieve their stolen national treasure at least this once. Awesome!”

“What did you snatch?” Peter narrowed his eyes.

“Why me? Ask the tree here what else he has in his bushes. Why did you take him, anyway?”

“I am Groot.”

“What do you mean ‘they don’t treat him right, so they can suck it now’?” Peter howled.

“I am Groot.”

“I AM NOT FREAKING OUT!!!”

***

“This is a nice change, I’ve never been kidnapped with such a purpose before,” Tony was laughing and didn’t look upset at all. Any normal person would be horrified, but Stark seemed rather amused by their freaky ways.

“Sorry, Groot is apologizing, and he promises he won’t do it again.”

“I am Groot.”

“I said he won’t,” Peter shot him a withering look, but Groot only crossed his arms and made a sullen face. Yeah, they really messed up his upbringing rather fantastically. Peter didn’t grow up to be like that! Maybe, there was something in threats to eat him after all, he at least has been scared of Yondu till a certain age. After that, there was only one way to keep him in line – any of his screw-ups became a Ravagers’ public domain.

“But you will take me back, right?” Tony smiled.

“I am Groot.”

Newly grown braches enclosed Tony in a protective cocoon.

“I’ll eat you,” Peter promised grimly. “Or, rather, I’ll use you as an additional heating source.”

“I am Groot?”

“Why should I be afraid of her?”

“I am Groot.”

“Is he saying that Gamora would kill you?” Tony asked with interest.

Peter nodded.

“The worst thing is that he’s right. We’ll return you to Terra, though.”

“Just not right now,” Rocket poked his head through the door. We’re in shit so deep it would be worth of that fat ass whose arm I’ve almost bitten off in the supermarket.”

Peter glanced at Tony.

“Join us in?”

“I’ve always wanted to see some galactic shit,” he grinned, trying to free himself of the branches.

***

Drax’s thunderous laughter could be heard even on the flight deck. Peter actually thought that the whole ship was shaking with it, and was ready to fall apart.

“A-ha-ha-ha, Quill, Stark was just tellin’ the funniest thin’” Rocket sat in the chair, giggling. “About that one time he… a-ha-ha-ha!.. he’s, like… A-HA-HA-HA!”

Peter rolled his eyes and climbed down, leaving Rocket to his laughing fit. Tony’s stories weren’t, in fact, that funny. Most of all at that moment Peter yearned to go to Terra and beat the shit out of some people from those stories.

“I am Groot?”

“No,” Peter muttered, frowning. “My facial expression does not mean that you did the right thing.”

Groot looked rather skeptical about that.

***

“I’m on vacation, Stephen, you can give them that.”

“Maybe you’ll do it yourself?” there was a considerable lack of enthusiasm in Strange’s voice. “Your ‘Avengers’ really get on my nerves. I’ve even told them that the galaxy is out of my expertise, but they just won’t leave me be.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.”

Peter looked around the corner just in time to see Tony make a face.

“You’re not coming back, are you?”

“I am. Someday. The Earth doesn’t really need me, it seems.”

“Well, apart from the most of the ‘Avengers’ who are running around and hollering that you’ve been treacherously kidnapped by the treacherous aliens,” the man’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “Captain Rogers being the most vocal of all.”

“Ha,” Tony chuckled. “Very nice of him. But I’m on vacation.”

“You’ve been abducted by a sentient tree.”

“See, all of my best holidays are inevitably connected to flora.”

“I don’t even want to know, Anthony,” Strange said, beginning to wave his hands to create a portal. “If they bother me too much, I’m sending them to the dinosaurs.”

“Be my guest,” Tony took a step back and ran into Peter. “Has your mother never told you that eavesdropping is bad, Quill?”

Peter snorted and dragged Tony into a bear hug that would make Drax proud. Tony inhaled, surprised, and froze in his arms. Peter then took a step back.

“She has,” he smiled broadly. “Though Yondu had a completely different opinion on the matter.”

***

“Peter, when you’ve said she didn’t like you, you didn’t say that it was to this extent,” the ship shook, and Tony grabbed the back of the chair to stay on his feet. Peter even glanced up from the board to make sure of that.

“Crazy bitch, we’ve just taken a couple of battaries,” Rocket let the ship fall into such an abrupt nosedive that Peter swore quietly under his breath.

“You stole!” Gamora bellowed.

“Quit raggin’ me about that!! If I hadn’t lifted them, we would’ve died on Ego!”

“They don’t pay much for the saving of the galaxy, huh?” Tony laughed.

“Not everyone’s so lucky as your teammates,” Peter chuckled. “No billionaire’s come to our doorstep to beg for the opportunity to join the Guaaaa-! Holy shi-! Rocket!”

“Aw, stop fussin’, Quill.”

Rocket made another maneuver with a completely maniacal expression and dived into the jump.

“Told ya – everythin’ is A-ok!”

“Ship almost loosing half of its details is also okay?” Tony asked.

“Well, we’re still flyin’ and not fallin’, ain’t we?” Rocket shrugged with one shoulder.

“I’ve warned you,” Gamora came closer and looked at Tony with sympathy. “That now you have a fat chance of dying surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy.”

Tony tilted his head and laughed loudly, leaning into Peter’s shoulder.

***

“Can’t Nova Corps do this without us?” all Peter wanted to do at the moment is to sleep for a hundred years, and not save the galaxy. After all. The galaxy was a big girl and could learn how to save itself already.

“They say you owe them one,” Rocket answered grimly.

“Fucking leeches,” Peter sighed and turned on the comm. “Hey, everyone! Rise and shine, it’s saving time!”

“Can’t Nova Corps do this without us?” Tony’s sleepy voice asked from the loudspeaker.

“No,” Peter chuckled. “They’ve missed us and probably want to reward our deeds once again.”

“Hm-m-m… if they give my share in coffee beans, I’m all in.”

“Pf, Stark, you’re ready to sell out for coffee.”

“Uh-huh…” Tony hummed. “I’m ready to give myself to anyone who makes me a cup.”

Peter coughed In embarrassment and glanced at Rocket. The he said into the mic: “It’s waiting for you in the kitchen.”

He’s managed to turn off the comm right before Rocket burst into hysterical laughter and began commenting.

***

“So you this that abducting people from a planet is all right?” Steve Rogers was looking at them with a heavy gaze and standing straight as a rod, with his arms crossed on his star-spangled chest. Not that great of an impression he made – Peter’s never been a big fan of such primness.

“They didn’t-“

“Groot’s intentions weren’t bad,” Peter said. “He just decided that Tony would be better with us.”

“I am Groot.”

“And he still thinks so. So do I. I’ve heard enough interesting stories about Terran regard of team members.”

“Excuse me? Peter, what sto-“

“Kidnapping is a crime,” Rogers said with a set jaw. “What kind of heroes are you after that?”

“Didn’t hear you complainin’ when we kicked Tanos’ ass,” Rocket interrupted him. The fur on his nape was standing up, and his paws blindly searched for the blaster that Tony made him leave on ‘Milano’. Along with all other weapons. He clearly knew them too well.

Peter’s hands were also itching for a fight.

“Before rubbing our noses into the puddle, you better learn to clean up your own mess.”

Rogers has opened his mouth to reply, when Drax burst into deafening laughter, which they had to wait out like a natural disaster.

“What are you laughin’ at?” Rocket asked when he finally fell silent.

“Quill just said that Rogers pissed himself! A-HA-HA-HA!”

“Too complex of a metaphor,” Peter coughed. “Drax, nobody’s pissed themselves. I meant that he was calling us villains because we took Tony, but he didn’t think that his actions were wrong.”

“What does the puddle has to do with it?”

“There is also a pot,” Peter smirked. “That calls kettle black without noticing that it is equally as black because it’s too busy judging the other.”

“Wait. Even I didn’t get this one,” Rocket said.

“Keep it simple, folks,” Tony concluded with a laugh, patting Peter on his chest. “All of you. Rogers, nobody’s kidnapped me.”

“The security footage proves otherwise,” he frowned stubbornly.

“I’d know better,” Tony cut him off. “I was on vacation. The first one in several years, actually. So now I’m going to settle some stuff, make an upgrade for the Spider’s costume and go back… to my vacation. Shooting alien monsters in space has a beneficial influence on my nervous system.”

“You’re leaving with them again?” Rogers didn’t look upset or scared at the thought. He looked mad.

Peter didn’t like it one bit.

Tony just smiled, open and sincere, as he always did at them.

“Yes.”

***

“This is a bad idea,” Tony said without looking at him. Peter froze in the middle of the sentence, trying to grasp how Tony’s understood what he meant at all.

“Why?”

He could’ve sworn that the feeling was mutual. Sometimes Tony gave him such looks that Peter’s been sure that everything was real.

“First, I’m too old for you.”

“I have a genetic pull for older men,” Peter informed him. “And that’s not an argument; you’re not eighty, for God’s sake.”

“Almost,” Tony huffed. “I feel tired on all ninety.”

“Of us?” Peter frowned.

Tony blinked, and his eyes widened.

“What? No, of course not. You… all of you are the best thing that has happened to me in many years. You’re… different from all other people I’ve ever known.”

“Then why not?”

“I’ll ruin everything, you’ll get tired of me, and we’ll never be able to come back to what we have now, even though we’d promise to stay friends forever.”

Peter sighed and put hands on his shoulders, turning Tony around to face him.

“You’re contradicting yourself. You’ve just said that I’m different.”

“Don’t get too cocky,” Tony rolled his eyes.

“We are the creatures that dance unashamed, Tony,” Peter smiled widely. “In Drax’s opinion, this is a sign of a perfect match.”

“You’re all sick in the head,” Tony sighed.

“So are you,” Peter snorted and kissed him. He was determined to prove Drax’s theory in practice. Until Tony believed him wholeheartedly.


End file.
